User blog:Appelmonkey/How Appel and Laq Saved Christmas: Magical Girl Erena vs. Pink Guy
Deadliest Fiction is in grave danger. While warriors and users alike go about their lives, blissfully unaware of the looming threat, the two greatest users, Appel and Laq, have been working non-stop to save it. They toiled away in their lairs, stopping at nothing to deliver salvation to Deadliest Fiction, and today they will bring you the solution to all ills that plague this wiki. But I hear you ask, “What is this threat you speak off?” I’ll tell you what the problem is: not having a weird fucking battle to end all weird fucking battles. GSFB and Jacky can suck on it! Magical Girl Erena, the defender of Earth who will stop at nothing to save it from invading perverted tentacle monsters! VS Pink Guy, our favorite pink c*nt and Filthy Frank’s sidekick with a crippling addiction to pussy! Who is DEADLIEST?! Magical Girl Erena (represented by Laq) When it comes to making animated pornography, Japanese animation studios arrange their priorities in a very unusual manner. In the case of Mahou Shoujo Erena, they found the time to get an original soundtrack made, hire some professional voice actors, and even found the budget to stretch this thing out for three episodes lasting nearly thirty minutes each, but letting the plot make any sense at all was far beyond their paygrade. In short, Earth got attacked by giant interdimensional tentacle monsters who want to enslave and experiment on everything. They decided to start with the family home of our protagonist, Erena. When Erena discovered said monsters about to assault her sister, a rabbit-blob turned her into a magical girl to fight the extraterrestrial threat. Her sister also got mind-fucked into being a demon yandere and it turned out that her mutant space dad was behind the invasion, but I can’t imagine that anyone was paying attention at that point. *'Staff: '''The staff is Erena's badge of office that signifies her position as a magical girl. The staff allows Erena to fly without the use of her magic by riding on it like a broomstick. She also uses it as a melee weapon when fending off foes as her magic charges. *'Magic: The source of Erena's magic is her uterus, which begins generating magical power upon entering combat. When her magic is fully charged, a small magical explosion is generated around her, slicing at targets within the immediate vicinity. She is then able to use her two magical abilities freely. **'Knight of Serene: '''Erena's go-to (and only) magical attack has her transforming her staff into a spear by creating a large energy blade on the end and using it to make a wide slash at her target. It's powerful enough to slice a large dog-monster several times taller than Erena in half from head to tail with one strike, so it often ends encounters after one use. **'Forcefield: 'Erena can generate a protective forcefield to surround her body. The field appears to have damaging properties on whatever comes into contact with it, as tentacles that touch it appear to melt away. Erena needs to use both hands to maintain the field, so she is unable to attack while it is in use. *'Ovi: 'The entity responsible for granting Erena her magical powers was Ovi, an odd floating rabbit-blob creature of unexplained origin. Ovi is Erena's constant companion and tries his best to advise her while in combat and keep her focused on the current threat. He's also learned to be of use himself in combat by crashing into targets like a battering ram. He's quite tough and was able to survive a blow powerful enough to knock him out of a park with no damage. Pink Guy (represented by Appel) The internet is full of iconic memes. Ugandan Knuckles, the All Your Base Are Belong to Us guy, the Sponge Monkies, and Sneezing Panda. But of them, all one stands proud like a king among kings: Filthy Franks. Sadly I thought he’d be too powerful to use in this match-up, so we gotta make do with the autistic, cancerous, pussy-addicted pink retard that hangs around him like a bad smell instead. Originally a messenger of an unknown entity, Pink Guy guided Frank to a new reality after his old one was destroyed and has been his companion on various misadventures and his roommates ever since, though he doesn’t pay rent. Despite all his disabilities, Pink Guy is a great rapper, having released two albums and various songs under his own and the Pink Omega name. *'Pistol: We're not sure what type of pistol it is, but Pink Guy can fire it without ever needing to reload, meaning that it either has a very large or perhaps unlimited magazine. *'M4 Carbine:' A gas-operated, rotating bolt, stoner-expanding gas action assault rifle commonly used by American armed forces, the M4 fires the 5.56×45mm NATO cartridge, has a rate of fire of 950 rpm, a muzzle velocity of 910 m/s, and an effective range of 500 m. *'Pink Season:' A mixtape of incredible power filled with songs made by Pink Guy himself and one from Ploticz, Pink Season causes anyone else not used to such great tunes to be intimidated or even get brief seizures when it is played. Pink Guy uses a boombox to play it, increasing its power and range. The boombox doubles as a melee weapon. *'Chromosomes:' Chromosomes are the building blocks of the universe, the very basis of everything that is. Being a lycra entity, Pink Guy possesses more chromosomes than the average human, allowing him to perform energy-based attacks. Because of his retardation, Pink Guy is only able to use two chromosome-based abilities. ' **'Beam Attack: Pink Guy can fire a pink laser from his ass. It is unknown just how powerful this attack is, as it was only used once and dodged. **'Omniversal Travel:' Pink Guy can teleport to any location in his current omniverse or travel to another one. Though this ability is only used for travel, not combat. *'Hand-to-Hand Combat:' Impressive for someone so mentally challenged, Pink Guy has proven himself to be a great fighter when it comes to close-quarters combat. He was able to beat the Tap Brothers, a pair of dangerous criminals wanted in multiple omniverses, and match Green C*nt, another powerful lycra entity. *'Saint Nicolas:' A being of great physical strength and skill that resembles Santa Claus, Saint Nicolas can be summoned by Pink Guy with a Summoning Jutsu which is performed by placing both palms on the floor. X-Factors Experience Erena's entire experience as a magical girl lasted only for a few days before she succeeded in destroying the tentacle monster overlord and freeing Earth from invasion. During this time she had multiple encounters with the monsters with little time for rest. She also fought in one large-scale battle against the monsters when they launched a planet-wide attack before being belatedly told she needed to go to the moon. Pink Guy has encountered multiple powerful and dangerous beings on his adventures with Filthy Frank, but mostly let him do all of the heavy lifting while watching from the sidelines. Still, this didn’t stop him from occasionally helping Frank out or going off on his own. During Frank’s battle against Evil Dade, Pink Guy provided cover support until Good Dade could come back from Bald Chocolate Heaven to deliver the final blow and fought against Mr. Magic Man’s memes until Based God Lil’ B could provide aid. He single-handedly fought off both Tap Brothers until they were forced to retreat, Hitler’s secret son who tried to prevent his father’s death through time travel, and Captain Falcon in a gunfight. Physicality For the most part, Erena has the physical abilities that would be expected of a woman in her late teens, with one exception: her extreme internal durability. The inside of Erena's body has been violated to a ridiculous degree of intensity several times, to the point where most ordinary people would expire from internal bleeding. Yet after every one of these encounters, she has gotten back up and been no worse for wear aside from being slightly winded. Additionally, she was unaffected by prolonged contact with alien seminal fluid, which has corrosive properties. Pink Guy is pretty average for a guy wearing a pink lycra suit, though he does know how to take a beating. In his fight with the Tap Brothers, he was beaten down before he was able to turn the tables on them and when he fought Green C*nt he held out long enough for Salamander Man to rescue him. He even took a trash can thrown by Prometheus, a homunculi created by Red Dick to kill Chin Chin. Sex Appeal Erena has been through enough. Leave the poor girl alone. Just fucking look at the guy. Do I have to tell you that he doesn’t have any? Notes *The battle takes place on the homeworld of the tentacle monsters. Erena has arrived to take the fight to her enemy, while Pink Guy has accidentally teleported into the carcass of a tentacle monster. Hilarity ensues. *Voting will end whenever enough loyal DF users have done their part to save the world. Category:Blog posts